So how come I'm writing this ? I dunno, I guess to document and understand.
We got a new cat today; which is great in a way. We lost our old cat of 9 years a little while ago; I still miss her. We had her before kids and she was the best cat in the world. As soon as we met her at the sanctuary we loved her and she loved us.
When we died we were away on a break down at the coast; the weather was crap and I worried about our cat the entire time, we all did. God knows why I allowed us to go; but I did because I thought the break would be ok.
I finished my job last week, no new job, no real plan on what to do next. I'm a software engineer but I've realized I can't do it anymore, why ? well what they don't tell you is that software engineers look into the abyss every fucking day. trying to accomplish the simplest task can become the most infuriating and debasing experience. Writing good code involves attempting to determine almost every range of input; and writing defensively. Couple in with working with half designed existing shit house code makes the task difficult. Throw in piss poor platforms or bizarre home made OS's and its difficult. Add to that no debugger or limited output devices and the fun begins.
I came every day shell shocked; I wrote good stuff but I felt exhausted by it all and I couldn't face 5 days a week, 7.5 hours a day for the next 15 years. I was hard on the kids; I was hard on the wife.
I realized post resignation that the company I worked for's freestyle way of working was the absolute worst environment for me. I craved direction and control; maybe a meeting once in a while ? but in the time I was there I had a single meeting with the boss; and that was to finally discuss a piece of work for implementation. Note to bosses - not giving any feedback for 6 months to an employee can possibly cause said employee to be utterly confused on how said employee is doing, Fucksake.
So to a new career. What can a software engineer do ?
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